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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Care for Karen day

Yesterday, my local Maternal Health Nurse called me up to see how I was doing and whether I needed to come in. She'd come across my file and was reminded about my last check up (with Riley).

You see, last time, I did the Edinburgh Scale Test for new mums and my score wasn't so good. Which meant I was at risk for Post Natal Depression (PND)

After that, during a particularly bad week, I did the same test with my GP and got an even higher score. So, I was referred to a state government scheme which provides free in-home counselling for cases like this.

(SURPRISE! Family, who have no idea about this.......)

Anyway, before you all think I'm borderline inmate, I don't have 'depression' as such, I have 'anxiety'. Which are usually lumped together, and have some similarities, but are also chemically and psychogically different. To most. But I'm no expert.

But that can wait for a different post.

Anyway, the call was funny because today was my meeting with my counsellor, a wonderful woman named Lisa. It had been a few weeks. And, in response to her question how I was doing, I feel much better. Mostly, my anxiety is twofold. My general anxiety was tonnes better; with my kids I have good days and bad.

I explained to her a scenario. I hold Riley in the bath. The other night, because he's getting so strong, he lurched forward and his face hit the water before I could stop it. He was fine; I pulled him back and he spluttered a bit and that was that. But in my head, it automatically visits "What Could Have Been". And stays there. For ages. And as such, my stomach clenches and I feel physically ill. And I have to block it out.

She nodded and said (To paraphrase), "I can understand that. To be honest, I think any mother in the same situation would've felt the same. I guess what we have to think about here is if your response, to you, was really more 'self-blameful' or 'emphatic' than what another's would be".

Which is a good question. And I have no idea.

I hope the above made sense. Bottom line is: I'm a worrier. I worry for the sake of worrying and I worry about the kids. The second is understandable. Perhaps the first is 'overkill'.

Comments on "Care for Karen day"


Blogger katiebird said ... (8:56 am) : 

Hi Karen,
I hope you don't mind my dropping by. I followed your link from your proBlogger comment. I've found some of my favorite blogs following the comments from that site.

What you say about being a worrier rang a bell with me. I'm one too -- some of my earliest memories are of needless worrying.

One thing that helped me was understanding some of my worry-triggers. I tend to worry more if I'm over-extended or exhausted. I never had a baby of my own (although I've got 3 step children and am the oldest of 8 kids) but I'm guessing it's a pretty exhausting and demanding existence.

I don't mean that to sound like an answer -- it isn't at all. It's just that it's an issue that's close to my heart and I can't help but talk about it if I'm given half a chance.

I like your blog. Thanks for sharing it.


Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said ... (10:43 am) : 

Hi Katiebird

Thanks for reading. Identifying worry-triggers are key for me too. For me, it usually comes when my mind's a bit 'idle', when I'm not concentrating on other things I could (or should) be doing. Or if I'm run-down too. Or if my hormones are out of whack.

Thanks for pointing that out again.


Blogger katiebird said ... (11:41 am) : 

I get that too. I think the childhood worries came right after the last day of school when from one day to the next I'd go from busy to nothing but time. It seemed like the worries popped up to fill that space. Is that sort of what you mean?


Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said ... (12:22 pm) : 

Yes, that is an example of kind of what I mean. Glad I made sense!


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