Quieting the monsters…or how to feed your children

Well, in the spirit of the lightheartedness of yesterday (but blogger is saying this posted Monday?? Wierd, because it's Tuesday), I think I'll keep the theme running. Later on I'll post something on a more 'domestic' level... Quieting the monsters…or how to feed your children Place Baby in highchair and Toddler at the table. Put bibs on both. Go and get their dinners out of the microwave. Retrieve Toddler’s bib from the floor. Replace around neck. Sit at table. Spoon food into Baby’s mouth. Give fork to Toddler to do same. Wipe custard excess from baby’s mouth; turn around to see Toddler toddling off to the pantry. Try to coax the Toddler out of wanting to put tomato sauce on her vegetables. Go back to the baby, who is protesting vehemently because you’d taken his spoon away. Go back to the Toddler, who is protesting vehemently because she cannot have the sauce. Baby drops spoon on the floor. Replace with new spoon. Toddler is replaced at the table with the promise that she can have “just a little bit” of sauce over the vegetables. Sauce is then put out of reach. Peace reigns Baby decides he doesn’t want custard if he CANNOT hold the spoon himself. Go get a second spoon for him to hold. Get a handtowel to wipe sauce off Toddler; get another to wipe custard off baby. Toddler decides she likes the peas, but only the ones that she can manage to stab with a fork. Mother spends five minutes willing these poor, lone peas to reach daughter’s mouth. Baby is feeling neglected and starts bucking his back in protest, bumping the spoonful of custard that had just reached his mouth. Mum reaches for the handtowel––the wrong handtowel, and now baby has a red, tomato-y face. Mum is running out of bibs and handtowels, and so goes for the tissues. After her cry, of frustration, mum sits down again only to find that in the meantime toddler has climbed up for the sauce, unscrewed the lid, and poured the contents over the tabletop. Baby finds this hilarious and mum takes this opportunity to shove another spoonful of custard into his mouth. Toddler is waiting for mum’s wrath (mum is paralytic with rage) but when it is not forthcoming she actually reaches over and dunks a carrot stick into the sauce and pops it into her mouth. And then another. It is a miracle. Children fed, they are then promptly put in the bath whilst mum remembers exactly why they are going through so much washing powder and why she’s washing up so many spoons lately. Tomorrow, we’re eating out.