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Monday, September 18, 2006

Quieting the monsters…or how to feed your children

Well, in the spirit of the lightheartedness of yesterday (but blogger is saying this posted Monday?? Wierd, because it's Tuesday), I think I'll keep the theme running. Later on I'll post something on a more 'domestic' level...

Quieting the monsters…or how to feed your children

  1. Place Baby in highchair and Toddler at the table. Put bibs on both.
  2. Go and get their dinners out of the microwave.
  3. Retrieve Toddler’s bib from the floor. Replace around neck. Sit at table. Spoon food into Baby’s mouth. Give fork to Toddler to do same.
  4. Wipe custard excess from baby’s mouth; turn around to see Toddler toddling off to the pantry.
  5. Try to coax the Toddler out of wanting to put tomato sauce on her vegetables.
  6. Go back to the baby, who is protesting vehemently because you’d taken his spoon away.
  7. Go back to the Toddler, who is protesting vehemently because she cannot have the sauce.
  8. Baby drops spoon on the floor. Replace with new spoon.
  9. Toddler is replaced at the table with the promise that she can have “just a little bit” of sauce over the vegetables. Sauce is then put out of reach.
  10. Peace reigns
  11. Baby decides he doesn’t want custard if he CANNOT hold the spoon himself. Go get a second spoon for him to hold.
  12. Get a handtowel to wipe sauce off Toddler; get another to wipe custard off baby.
  13. Toddler decides she likes the peas, but only the ones that she can manage to stab with a fork. Mother spends five minutes willing these poor, lone peas to reach daughter’s mouth.
  14. Baby is feeling neglected and starts bucking his back in protest, bumping the spoonful of custard that had just reached his mouth.
  15. Mum reaches for the handtowel––the wrong handtowel, and now baby has a red, tomato-y face.
  16. Mum is running out of bibs and handtowels, and so goes for the tissues.
  17. After her cry, of frustration, mum sits down again only to find that in the meantime toddler has climbed up for the sauce, unscrewed the lid, and poured the contents over the tabletop.
  18. Baby finds this hilarious and mum takes this opportunity to shove another spoonful of custard into his mouth.
  19. Toddler is waiting for mum’s wrath (mum is paralytic with rage) but when it is not forthcoming she actually reaches over and dunks a carrot stick into the sauce and pops it into her mouth. And then another. It is a miracle.
  20. Children fed, they are then promptly put in the bath whilst mum remembers exactly why they are going through so much washing powder and why she’s washing up so many spoons lately.

    Tomorrow, we’re eating out.

Comments on "Quieting the monsters…or how to feed your children"


Anonymous Matt said ... (10:51 pm) : 

Great Post! I commented on another site that is participating in the group writing project that talked about kids. I can't wait to have children. Your post was funny! My how to is up also. thanks again!


Blogger Musing said ... (12:16 am) : 

Oh, does this bring back memories! Especially dropping the spoon. In our house we had the let's-drop-the-spoon-on-the-floor game over and over and over.

Also, found you thru ProBlogger's writing project.


Anonymous Mike Miller said ... (1:27 am) : 

Ah memories.

We had to use industrial strength velcro for a while to tie the chair to the table so they wouldn't kick off with their legs and flip their chair.

Our daughter had a neat phase at around 15 months where should would get frustrated with eating and start banging her head against the table. HARD. She stopped after a couple days when she realized she was hurting herself and getting nothing out of the deal.


Blogger Jersey Girl said ... (2:38 am) : 

Now that I think of it, maybe my kids being teens isn't so bad after all! I'm past MOST of that stuff...LOL, well maybe not.. :)


Anonymous Steve said ... (4:12 am) : 

Nice posting Karen, I know exactly what you are talking about. Our two small children have the exact same repertoire and needless to say there is plenty of laundry in this house too.


Anonymous rob said ... (2:36 am) : 

I know the feeling. Parenting is so bitter sweet. I enjoyed the post because it sounds so familiar. Glad I'm not the only one.


Anonymous Olivia said ... (4:04 am) : 

Boy, does this bring back the memories. I used to babysit and remember all this PLUS the high chairs falling over and even more pandemonium. I never had kids (go figure!). Kudos to you for all the hard work of being a mom!


Anonymous Kerri said ... (1:04 pm) : 

Throw in a whiny 5 year old, and these are my days, too. "Paralytic with rage." How familiar I am with that! ;)


Anonymous Daddy Forever said ... (3:32 pm) : 

My baby likes to throw her food on the floor. Then she picks it up and eats it. Must need the extra mineral.


Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said ... (3:39 pm) : 

LOL :)

Thanks for your comments everybody! It's nice to know that wherever you live - and I've noticed a lot of non-Australian traffic - we all pretty much have to deal with the same stuff kids throw (literally, in cases) at us.


Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said ... (3:55 pm) : 

Also, I have no idea if you'll read this, but jersey Girl, I tried leaving a message on your blog, but it crashed on me 4 times, so I gave up, sorry....


Anonymous Eoghann Irving said ... (2:43 am) : 

A very funny how to. My wife and I both laughed as I read these out. We have two 19 month old sons so a lot of this is very familiar to us.

They have a particularly infuriating habit where once they're done eating something it cannot stay on the tray but must be thrown on the floor.


Blogger Miscellaneous-Mum said ... (9:47 am) : 

Sheesh eoghann, that sounds messy!! Glad I could provide some amusement ;)


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:21 pm) : 

Love this. So accurate! Point #15 is great.


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